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Monday, August 13, 2007

Get New Jewish Glasses!

I have been compiling biographies of important personalities and authors for one of our exciting projects here at Torah Lab.  One of these is Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler, the author of Michtav M’Eliyahu, published in English as Strive for Truth.  In an article I found on Rabbi Dessler, there was the following entry:

Respect for One’s Fellow Men

One of the nights that I was in his house there was knocking at the door. I opened it to a woman who wanted to speak to the Mashgiach about her son, who was learning in the yeshiva. I explained to her that in the yeshiva it wasn’t usual for a mother to come and discuss her son with the Mashgiach but she was adamant. While we were talking, the Mashgiach came over and asked what the matter was. His reaction was, “The mother of a yeshiva bochur wants to talk to me? . . . Please come inside . . .a yeshiva bochur’s mother . . . “

The woman related all her concerns about her son’s future, particularly with regard to shidduchim that appealed to her and that did not appeal to her . . .the Mashgiach listened and vindicated her wishes . . . I followed the conversation carefully, amazed at how, just a moment earlier he had been occupied with lofty and sublime matters and had now descended to the delicate emotions of a concerned mother.

What point is the author trying to make?  That mothers should not address their sons’ main educators, who are partners in the child’s upbringing--because it constitutes a lack of modesty?  Let’s put that aside for a moment.  The part that really bothered me was the idea that Rabbi Dessler had ”descended to the delicate emotions of a concerned mother”.  If the person who witnessed this sublime act of human kindness still came away with the notion that Rabbi Dessler had lowered himself in order to listen to and respectfully counsel his student’s mother, that person has completely missed the point.  Our Torah overflows with teachings, advice, and admonitions concerning the feelings of our fellow human beings--even comparing the act of embarrassing another to murder.  The greatest stories of tzaddikim and geniuses usually involve their incredible kindness and chessed towards others.  The “delicate feelings of a concerned mother"--a Jewish woman, who valiantly brought this student into the world and raised him--should be treated with as much honor and care as a Torah scroll!

This is the price we pay for a distorted view of religion, where we elevate ritual and scholarship over interpersonal ethics--even though the latter has higher stakes.  Yom Kippur removes sins between man and G-d, if there has been sincere regret and confession, but it does not atone for a person when he has offended someone else and has not obtained forgiveness.  That should give some indication about how important it is to value the interpersonal sphere.  Your very Olam HaBa depends on it!